Just Another Day

For a lot of people it is natural to hear Happy Mother's day or to even say it. When I hear the word mother I hear depression and I feel depressed.

In a way I feel robbed. Coming from a religious background and still religious today all I heard and learned about was multiplying and replenishing the earth. That my duty in life was/is to be a mother. I don't believe I was ever taught to actually find out who I am or what I like to do or find out what to do with my life. Maybe I did, I can't remember any certain time.

So growing up with this information of my role as a woman of course I would go through the steps. Go to school, find me an awesome man, get married and start a family. We soon found out how greatly fertile I was as I got pregnant ever 19 months, no thanks to birth control. No one told me I could wait.

No one told me how hard it is going to be once those kids come. No one tells me about the post partum depression that might come to some people. Always a nice little picture painted and cooed over. Unfortunately no one tells me some woman are just not meant to be mothers.

Now I have children because I felt it was my duty to bring little spirits down from heaven. If I could I would give them to a home with a better mother, to a person that her every desire is to play, love and nurture little people. I would even give my life if it meant they would be shown a better life. But I can't leave my husband so I will keep praying that I don't ruin these precious little ones, because they really are precious, and chug on for another day.